♡♡♡♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ e n t r y 02 ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡♡♡♡
feeling warm again, my heart beats so much faster these days. why? its irregularity scares me a bit. the moon was so enchanting before i headed to bed. it was that silvery white that i imagine the glow of spirits are like. the moon cut through nightly fog like a blade to skin, the slivers of mist that flitter like a halo. the humid air also smelled sweet. it attaches itself to you, you carry it with you once inside. i can smell it on my wrist and hair. a sucrose-y datura's breath. i sometimes convince myself that whenever that happens, it's a soul happily roaming around in this physical plane before its flight to heaven. i remember my mom telling me it would always smell like honeysuckle whenever she felt the presence of loved ones that have passed away (my aunt). it's a beautiful thought i keep in my mind's pocket whenever i'm feeling a little sad and irrational. i'm always reminded of it in nights like this. maybe it's an angel--my guardian angel. well, i tell myself this. i desire to be naive again. to demolish the want to know too much. the more you know, the more painful it is to exist, the more you are accountable for, the more crosses to bear. it's unbearable to be aware of the modern world & all its disorder of man. the ravenous hunger to destroy, exploit & defile. i just want to embrace mystery and beauty, surrendering to the unknown. now i'm tormented with the weight of everything. i wish to be naive. i want to trace back to every single time i've let reality (information) destroy me. the intensity of embarrassment, the weight of worry dilating every blood vessel. the rush of blood to my face, to my hands, to my heart. i need to surrender myself to God and to my dreams. i need to annihilate anxiety. st. francis de sales once said, "anxiety is the greatest evil that can befall a soul except sin. God commands you to pray, but He forbids you to worry.” to exist is to worry. it's exhausting to exist. another day of disorder.
excerpt from the imitation of Christ:
"the weakness of sinful human nature will at times compel you to descend to lesser things, and bear with sorrow the burdens of this present life. so as long as you wear this mortal body, you will be subject to weariness and sadness of heart. therefore, in this life, you will often lament the burden of the body, which hinders your giving yourself wholly to the life of the spirit and to divine contemplation."
(\∞(\
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀（α΄Λ¬α΄*)
☆*οΎ*｡ ｡*οΎUU )
*｡ ☆ *U U
οΎ*｡ take care ｡*
οΎ*｡ ｡*οΎ
οΎ*｡｡*οΎ
currently listening to: anna domino - "land of my dreams"
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